Struggling to love me every day


Today, I stepped on the scale for the first time in months. I wasn’t prepared for what I saw…209 pounds. How could I have gained over four pounds? I thought I was mostly tracking my calories. Sure I was eating more cake, cookies and other junk foods than usual, but still four pounds. It was time to reassess.

I am not okay with being overweight for the rest of my life. I have sweated, cried and often felt powerless sin my weight loss journey. There is no way I will not reach my goal. It sparked something amazing in me, and I felt a determination I haven’t felt since 2011.

I had the urge to clean out my Facebook friends to cut the unsupportive people. I didn’t yet, but I might. I felt encouraged and inspired by the fact I have lost 82 pounds. That is amazing. EIGHTY TWO POUNDS. If I would try to lift 82 pounds right now, I am betting I would have a hard time, and that was my extra weight!

I struggle a lot with feeling shunned by my past mommy friends. I feel less than them a lot of the time. I am an outcast, because I am outspoken and my own person. I have come to terms with who I am. I am okay with not having best friends to talk about my little kids about with. I am not okay with online drama and being lied about, so being alone without the mommy friends is so much better.

I have come to a place where I want to help others. I want to tell that mom who feels helpless, “you can do this, I will be your friend while we both figure it out”.  I do not buy that ANY woman doesn’t care about her weight. I was morbidly obese once. I cared. I avoided mirrors. I made fat jokes. I avoided talking to other moms at school. I constantly felt less than. There is a better way.

The answer is so simple. It’s so simple that I never even thought of it all those years. In order to lose weight, you have to value yourself enough to invest in yourself, in other words: love yourself. Loving yourself is not easy at times. We tend to be our worst critics. When you finally do love yourself, you will be able to lose the weight, enforce respect in your relationships and value yourself in everything you do.  

My goal for this month is to lose 10 pounds. I want to reach oneunderland once again. 199 is my goal for Jan. 1st.  What are your goals for the month?  

This month I will talk about relationships, food and exercise routines. Image


Mother’s need to let go of being selfish


We, mothers, say this so often. We do not want to be selfish by taking care of yourself. We do not want to take time to ourselves because it takes time away from our children. We wrongly translate any time away from our kids to be selfish time. It is the opposite in reality.

I did not take ANY time away from my kids for 12 years. I lived and breathed being a mom. My kids ate perfectly. They had very healthy foods. I, however, did not eat well. I probably ate about 500 grams of carbohydrates on a daily basis.

When I started putting me first, amazing things happened. The first thing that happened was I started valuing myself. I would not allow my family to disrespect me. Instead of, when arguing with my husband of feeling like garbage, I learned my worth. This allowed me to say, “No, you cannot talk or treat me this way”.

I let go of guilt.

Oh, guilt is a nasty volatile emotion. I’d feel guilty for not exercising or eating well, which led to a binge, which led to feeling bad, etc. When I let go of the guilt and allowed myself to just be amazing things happened. I learned I was a good writer. I am not a perfect writer, no. I may not be an excellent writer, even. I do write from my heart, and do want others to benefit from my experiences. Writing is my passion.

Find an activity you enjoy

This is huge. I spent two years torturing myself with exercise videos. I hate videos. I think Jillian Michaels is mean. I finished P90X, but I hated every single second of it. A few months ago, I found my passion: Swimming. I love to swim. I feel no impact. I love to run, but struggle with shin splints. I am working on learning all the strokes in swimming and improving my speed. I look forward to swimming. I plan on learning to play racquetball and tennis this month as well.


Mothers should never feel guilty about putting their health first. If we are not healthy, how can we care for our families. Being a healthy mom in fact, is the best gift you can give your children.   Image