Struggling to love me every day


Today, I stepped on the scale for the first time in months. I wasn’t prepared for what I saw…209 pounds. How could I have gained over four pounds? I thought I was mostly tracking my calories. Sure I was eating more cake, cookies and other junk foods than usual, but still four pounds. It was time to reassess.

I am not okay with being overweight for the rest of my life. I have sweated, cried and often felt powerless sin my weight loss journey. There is no way I will not reach my goal. It sparked something amazing in me, and I felt a determination I haven’t felt since 2011.

I had the urge to clean out my Facebook friends to cut the unsupportive people. I didn’t yet, but I might. I felt encouraged and inspired by the fact I have lost 82 pounds. That is amazing. EIGHTY TWO POUNDS. If I would try to lift 82 pounds right now, I am betting I would have a hard time, and that was my extra weight!

I struggle a lot with feeling shunned by my past mommy friends. I feel less than them a lot of the time. I am an outcast, because I am outspoken and my own person. I have come to terms with who I am. I am okay with not having best friends to talk about my little kids about with. I am not okay with online drama and being lied about, so being alone without the mommy friends is so much better.

I have come to a place where I want to help others. I want to tell that mom who feels helpless, “you can do this, I will be your friend while we both figure it out”.  I do not buy that ANY woman doesn’t care about her weight. I was morbidly obese once. I cared. I avoided mirrors. I made fat jokes. I avoided talking to other moms at school. I constantly felt less than. There is a better way.

The answer is so simple. It’s so simple that I never even thought of it all those years. In order to lose weight, you have to value yourself enough to invest in yourself, in other words: love yourself. Loving yourself is not easy at times. We tend to be our worst critics. When you finally do love yourself, you will be able to lose the weight, enforce respect in your relationships and value yourself in everything you do.  

My goal for this month is to lose 10 pounds. I want to reach oneunderland once again. 199 is my goal for Jan. 1st.  What are your goals for the month?  

This month I will talk about relationships, food and exercise routines. Image